


dear jonghyun

by HerPassion



Category: SHINee
Genre: Dear Jonghyun, I Love You, Letter, We Miss You, i miss you, shawol loves you, you did well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 05:59:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerPassion/pseuds/HerPassion
Summary: a letter to kim jonghyun, who we lost 2017.12.18we miss you





	dear jonghyun

Dear Jonghyun,

 

I heard of you.

 

The day you decided to leave, I heard of you.

 

People were devastated, and I was sad. I had only barely gotten into KPop by that time, so I felt sad that someone had left. I started to learn how hard it is to be an idol by listening and getting more indulged in KPop.

 

In August I watched the K-drama Hwarang - because of Kim Taehyung - and I fell in love with Choi Minho. I didn’t know he was part of a band at that time, but I loved him immediately. And when you love someone or something, you look them up.

 

I looked him up and found SHINee. The first video was a performance of a tour. Lucifer and Ring Ding Dong together. And then, there you were.

 

Kim Jonghyun, I heard your voice, I saw your face and I fell in love. In that moment I didn’t know that you had passed away months earlier. In that moment I only knew you were amazing, breathtaking. Your voice enthralled me and I didn’t know why I hadn’t found you and SHINee earlier.

 

I started to listen to more music and watched videos, I started to get myself more indulged into the band, learn about the members and I felt happy, content with what I was doing. SHINee became a new part of my life.

 

YouTube eventually broke it to me.

 

Searching for videos, I found a tribute to you, and I started to wonder. Why a tribute? So I clicked.

 

Finding out that you were the one who we lost last year was devastating. I just learned to love you - and I still do and always will - and then I find out I’m too late. Too late to share the love. Too late to post and share and love. Too late for you.

 

I know I wouldn’t have made a difference, but you can’t help but think about what if’s. Maybe just another person would have been enough to hold on. Maybe another person is just another person who doesn’t matter in this case. I don’t know and I’ll never find out.

 

Kim Jonghyun, I am proud of you.

 

I will not say that I know how you felt, because I don’t. Neither am I an idol, nor do I deal with depression in the way you dealt with it. I deal with depression on my own, my way, like you dealt with yours on your own, your way.

 

You fought hard, and for that, I am so, so, proud of you. You made it this far and even though you felt as though you couldn’t move any further, it’s okay. It sounds weird to say this, and I don’t want to try and justify or make suicide a good thing, but if this is the way you thought right, then so be it. We didn’t have the chance to change your mind and we wouldn’t have that chance now, even if we had known of your condition earlier. People can be helped, but sometimes people just can’t get along with that help.

 

I am trying ridiculously hard to be deep right now and act philosophical and maybe someone might feel attacked by my words, but this is the way I think. If suicide was the path you decided to walk on, then it was your decision.

 

Maybe things could have gotten better. We don’t know. We won’t know. But we love you, Kim Jonghyun. I love you.

 

I hope you are well, wherever you are.

 

I am proud of you.

 

You did well, Jonghyun.


End file.
